Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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