he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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