Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
