It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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