After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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