Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
