Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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