nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
