Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
