She announced her abortion via fbk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
