what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
two words: eviction party
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
