my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
