I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize