I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize