If i come over, it means nothing
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
