I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
