absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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