oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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