the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
