Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i think my cat just said my name.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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