fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
