I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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