I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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