i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
