How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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