the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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