Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
