do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
