My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
