It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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