I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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