His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
