we have officially lost it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
