im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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