dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
