so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
