My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
