i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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