last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
