i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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