There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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