kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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