I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
