We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
