Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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