I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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