On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
