wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
