don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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