The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i came on her dog
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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