He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
