Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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