JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
