She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
