i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
