Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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