I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
