I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
