Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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