You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
