I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have tasted many bathrooms
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize