my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
