So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
