i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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