I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
