It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
