I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
