Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
