I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
