almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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