You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
