Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
