remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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