Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize