I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
