That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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