he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
