is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
