I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
