I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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