it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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