3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
