You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
