I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
