Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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