I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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