Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
