yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
