Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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